my first friday night as a nanny. if you look past the fake smile there are tear streaks down my cheeks. i have never felt so alone and scared in my life. how come no one told me how hard this really would be? the emotions and knot in my stomach wont seem to go away. saying bye to my family was hands down the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. i have been on the phone with my mom since the second we said goodbye. even the lady that i sat next to on the plane, after telling her i was moving all alone to the big city, said "shit girl you are brave" and i thought to myself. no, im not brave. im scared out of my mind right now. and there is nothing i would rather be doing than watching the killers on my couch, my head in my moms lap, surrounded by the people i love. thats what i did my last night in st george and i loved it. i had no idea what was about to hit me the next morning. i cant seem to unpack my bags because then it becomes permanent. i sat and stared at them for an hour today and couldnt bring myself to get anything but the toothbrush and a pair of clothes out. so there they sit. staring at me letting me know i am not home. hopefully one day this will feel like a piece of home. but for right now, im going to cry into my blanket and text my mom til i fall asleep while baby mama plays in the background.
9.10.2010
my first friday night as a nanny. if you look past the fake smile there are tear streaks down my cheeks. i have never felt so alone and scared in my life. how come no one told me how hard this really would be? the emotions and knot in my stomach wont seem to go away. saying bye to my family was hands down the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. i have been on the phone with my mom since the second we said goodbye. even the lady that i sat next to on the plane, after telling her i was moving all alone to the big city, said "shit girl you are brave" and i thought to myself. no, im not brave. im scared out of my mind right now. and there is nothing i would rather be doing than watching the killers on my couch, my head in my moms lap, surrounded by the people i love. thats what i did my last night in st george and i loved it. i had no idea what was about to hit me the next morning. i cant seem to unpack my bags because then it becomes permanent. i sat and stared at them for an hour today and couldnt bring myself to get anything but the toothbrush and a pair of clothes out. so there they sit. staring at me letting me know i am not home. hopefully one day this will feel like a piece of home. but for right now, im going to cry into my blanket and text my mom til i fall asleep while baby mama plays in the background.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment